Getting divorced is like riding a train. There are more than one stops that you take along the way because there are more than one ways in which you have to get divorced. It is not just a legal matter; there is a lot more than one station that you have to stop at along the way.
The first is the emotional divorce. You have depended on this person for a significant amount of emotion support, and whether it was for a short or a long period of time does not matter. Regardless you are loosing a big part of your support system and often times you do not have the time to prepare to do so. You no longer have someone constantly looking out for you and your well being. There is no longer trust or respect in the relationship, so from now on both of you are only looking out for number one.
Then comes legal divorce. Even if this is not the only station, in fact it is a rather small station, it is still a stop you have to take none the less. This is the time in which a court legally declares that you are no longer a couple. This is a just a tiny piece of the separation process, and yet people treat it as the biggest part of the divorce. This can be done in the blink of an eye, with the banging of a gavel. Everything else is the really hard part of divorce.
The next station is the economic divorce. You and your partner must divide up all of your assets in a way that will hopefully benefit you both. It does not just involve taking your bank account and cutting the number in half. You must also split your possessions, and even your debts. Then you will still impact one another long after the legal divorce is final. You will still have to pay alimony, child support, and have to go out and purchase the possession that you did not get, such a blender or couches.
After this comes the co-parental divorce, but only those with children will stop at this station. When this occurs, you have to decide who will get the children and when. It used to be far more common that one person would get full legal custody, and the other parent would sometimes be granted visitation. This was due to the fact that divorce typically only occurred when one partner was at fault and was therefore unfit to be a parent anyway. However now, with no-fault divorce, it is far more common that parents will go with joint custody. This means that both parents can do things like take their child to the doctor, register them for school, etc. It also means that the children will not just stay at one persons house. Often times they will move back and forth between their parents houses according to a set schedule. The biggest problem with this however, is the fact that the split custody will never truly be equal because that would be too hard on the children to have to move back and forth that often.
Community divorce is often times not thought about, but the fact of the matter is people are going to have to choose sides in a divorce. Family will often choose the side of the person they are biologically related to, but for friends it is a lot harder. If they were friends before the marriage, they will choose that person's side. However it is a lot harder to choose if you are friends to the marriage, not a member of the marriage.
The final stop on this journey is the psychic divorce. You have to realize and accept the fact that the relationship is over. You are no longer going to be a part of this persons life, and hopefully it is for the better. If not, this station will be the hardest to move through before you continue on your journey of life, without somebody always by your side.
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Introduction
Hello and welcome to my blog! Here you will find some of my thoughts on Family Relations in our society today, but first a little bit...
Saturday, December 14, 2019
Saturday, December 7, 2019
The Benefits of Parenting
Parenting is one of the most important things we will experience in our lives. It is not just about providing your children with a roof over their heads, food in their mouths, and clothes on their backs. Parenting is also about how we mold our children to become the people we want them to be. You cannot think that your children will just raise themselves; that is like the blind leading the blind. They need help and guidance from an active parent or parents. Active parenting requires being present and involved, but still letting your children learn from things like natural consequences; you cannot do everything for them.
Children benefit from parenting because they are able to learn from example. They see what their parents do and, if they look up to their parents and think what they are doing is right, they want to grow up and become just like their parents. That is why it is so important to instill our values into our children, so that way they will grow up valuing what we think is important. Not to say that they cannot think for themselves and decide on their own what they want to value, but it is good to give them a solid jumping off point by showing them what we value. After that all you can do is continue to uphold those values and hope they choose to do the same.
Parents also help to prepare their children for real life. They teach them things like how to save money, pay tithing, budget, work hard, cook, clean, and many other skills that will make it possible for them to live on their own. This is what my parents did for me. Like I mentioned in an earlier blog post, my parents taught me so much about working hard. I have been able to get great jobs that are willing to work with my schedule because my parents taught me the value of hard work. If it was not for them I would not be as good of an employee as I am, and my bosses would not be as willing to make accommodations for me in order for me to want to keep working for them. I also would not be debt free, with ample savings, and a car if they had not taught me money management skills.
The thing is, it is not just parents that teach their children. I know it is a cliche, but children really do help to teach their parents. Children help parents patience and humility. Raising children is not easy and it takes stepping back and realizing that taking care of children requires time and effort. You also learn new things, or perhaps relearn things you forgot you knew, as you teach your children. When they need help with their math homework, you will have to remember how to teach them long division, even though you do most math now with a calculator. You will also have to remember how to ride a bike, so that way you can teach them. They also show you how to be a kinder person and that sometimes you have to put others needs ahead of your own.
I am so grateful for my parents and all that they taught me. I am the person I am today because of them and I cannot wait to be a parent myself one day so I can teach my children the same values my parents taught me. They might even help me learn a thing or two that I did not know about myself.
Children benefit from parenting because they are able to learn from example. They see what their parents do and, if they look up to their parents and think what they are doing is right, they want to grow up and become just like their parents. That is why it is so important to instill our values into our children, so that way they will grow up valuing what we think is important. Not to say that they cannot think for themselves and decide on their own what they want to value, but it is good to give them a solid jumping off point by showing them what we value. After that all you can do is continue to uphold those values and hope they choose to do the same.
Parents also help to prepare their children for real life. They teach them things like how to save money, pay tithing, budget, work hard, cook, clean, and many other skills that will make it possible for them to live on their own. This is what my parents did for me. Like I mentioned in an earlier blog post, my parents taught me so much about working hard. I have been able to get great jobs that are willing to work with my schedule because my parents taught me the value of hard work. If it was not for them I would not be as good of an employee as I am, and my bosses would not be as willing to make accommodations for me in order for me to want to keep working for them. I also would not be debt free, with ample savings, and a car if they had not taught me money management skills.
The thing is, it is not just parents that teach their children. I know it is a cliche, but children really do help to teach their parents. Children help parents patience and humility. Raising children is not easy and it takes stepping back and realizing that taking care of children requires time and effort. You also learn new things, or perhaps relearn things you forgot you knew, as you teach your children. When they need help with their math homework, you will have to remember how to teach them long division, even though you do most math now with a calculator. You will also have to remember how to ride a bike, so that way you can teach them. They also show you how to be a kinder person and that sometimes you have to put others needs ahead of your own.
I am so grateful for my parents and all that they taught me. I am the person I am today because of them and I cannot wait to be a parent myself one day so I can teach my children the same values my parents taught me. They might even help me learn a thing or two that I did not know about myself.
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