Family "Rules"

One thing that I have never really thought about until this week is the idea of unspoken family rules. Often times we do not realize the "rules" that we follow within our families, but if we do not follow these "rules" there is bound to be confrontation. For example, in my family we have assigned seats in the van. Mom and dad always sit in the front seats (usually with dad driving) and the two oldest kids get the two big seats in the middle row, with the very oldest in the seat right behind the drivers seat. The youngest kids sit in the back row with the oldest of them behind the seat on the passenger side, the youngest in the middle, and the middle child of those three sitting behind the seat on the drivers side. Then if there were ever more people than that in the van, the youngest two would double buckle in the back seat on the drivers side. If anyone ever tries to sit anywhere else, people fight. This was especially a problem when we started learning to drive and my mom would come and sit in the back. She would often times just take the spot of the person who was learning to drive (typically the oldest), but if she ever did not everyone would fight over who got to sit by her and who got to take the oldest kid's spot instead of her.

If there is not confrontation as a result of these rules being broken, but instead the rules simply change, there is bound to be confusion. For example, one of the rules in my family is that if you are cold, you put on a hoodie, socks, a blanket, etc and then if you are still cold, you can go and ask dad to turn up the heat. I was so used to following this rule that when my dad told me how I could turn up the heat in the basement if it got too cold, I was shocked. I was so used to not being allowed to turn up the heat, or having to ask him to do it if I did want it turned up, that I did not know what to do when I was allowed to do it myself (especially because I had no idea how to work a thermostat since my dad always did it himself). It took me a while to get used to this adjustment to the "rule" and it was even harder because the original "rule" still applied to the top two floors, so I had to be used to two different ways of living, just one floor apart.

Another thing that stood out to me this week was the idea of symbolic interaction theory. In this theory people will often put meaning behind others actions, even if that meaning is not what that person really intended. For example, when you hold the door open for someone you could just be trying to be polite. One person may take it that way, but another may be insulted and think that you are implying that they cannot hold open a door for themselves. How people will interpret an action, as well as the actual meaning intended by an action, can vary from person to person and situation to situation. Due to this, we need be more careful about how we interpret others actions because the reality is that they could have a totally different meaning behind what they are doing than what you may think. If people could try a little harder not to assume what people are thinking, we would all be a lot happier and there would be a lot less conflict in the world.