Communication: A Great Foundation For Any Relationship

Everyone knows that good communication is essential to a good marriage, but many people do not know how to communicate properly in order to have a successful marriage. They think that just because they talk about their problems, they will be fixed, but this is far from the truth. In order for you to properly communicate, it is good to use the five secrets of effective communication.

The first three steps all involve empathy. To begin, use a disarming technique. Find one true thing about what they said to you, no matter how terrible the things that they said to you were there is bound to be some truth behind them, and acknowledge that they are right about that part of what they said. This helps you become vulnerable, and in turn helps them to put down their defenses and become more vulnerable too. Next you want to express empathy. Show them that their thoughts and feelings are valid, by saying that you understand what/why they are thinking what they are thinking, and feeling what they are feeling. Then you want to ask inquiring questions. This allows you to get more details about why they are feeling this way, not only so you can better understand the situation, but also so you can show that you really do care since you are asking to know more.

The next step involves assertiveness. Now that you have acknowledged what they are feeling and heard their side of the argument, it is your turn to give your side. However, this does not mean you get to have a turn at being aggressive. You spent all of this time creating a safe environment, and you want to continue to have one. No matter how cliche it sounds, the best way to do this is through "I feel" statements. However, this is more that just telling them how you feel. You want to say "when" this happened/happens, "I feel/felt" an emotion, "because" of these reasons (thoughts), "so I would like" for this to happen in the future (hope, desire). By expressing yourself in this way, you make your feelings and thoughts clear, without hurting anyone else in the process.

Finally you want to show respect for the other person. You do so by using a technique known as stroking or affirmation. You make sure that they know that you are listening to them when they are talking, and not simply waiting for them to be done talking so you can talk again. Convey that you think that their feelings are just as real and important as yours. Actions speak louder than words, so be sure to have positive and friendly body language and tone. Finally be kind to the other person and make sure they know you respect and care about them.

All that people really want in this life is to be heard. They want to know that people understand what they are feeling and that their concerns will be addressed. I know in my life there have been a lot of times where I really just want someone to listen to what I have to say, even if they can't do anything to help solve my problem. Of course it is ideal to talk to someone about your problems that can help you fix them, but if you can't find that, it is great to even just to have someone there listening to what you have to say and telling you "that sucks". If we can all just do this simple task of making sure that people's voices are heard, we will all be a lot happier.